Scars

By Amy Nicholls

I went for a long run a few days ago to clear my mind from all the noise in my life. This is a conversation that come into my thoughts when I was in a meditative state.

Why do I keep attracting these types of partners?

Because you have an open wound that needs to heal.

They can see it, they can smell it. It’s intoxicating to them, it feeds their desires, it’s sport to them.

It’s what they prey on.

I’m fine

I can see from here you are loosing a lot of blood.

You can?

You have to strip yourself down, and take a look at everything. You have to take layers off to find it.

Can you help me?

Absolutely.

Can you fix it?

No, I can’t.

Why?

While I can help you find it, see it for what it is, it’s for you to recognize as a wound. You have to fear it, be repulsed by it. It has to break you, it has to scare you.

I will give you what you need to clean the wound, but you have to take the needle in your hands and close it yourself.

It must be done alone.

Will it hurt?

More than you can imagine,

but it won’t kill you.

If you don’t,

you will bleed to death.

From the pain, you will see the severity and receive the gift of clarity. You will connect with your brave spirit. Layer by layer, you will watch the wound change. You will take care it, change it’s dressing, wipe the dried blood away, until it’s something you can look at again. You will see it as a point of pride and reminder of how far you have come. You will feel the strength of the repaired bone and the scar tissue around the opening. You will remember the pain, but you will no longer be crippled by it.

Some scars will be ugly. Some will look like they were never there. Some will hurt to touch, but in their own time, if you put your energy into taking care of it, the wound will heal.

Time will be your friend.

But what if I’m too scared to sew it shut? What if I don’t do it?

Then they will keep coming for you.

They will come until the day comes when you no longer allow them to feed on your flesh and drink your blood. They will come until the day arrives that you decide you are worth more.

I will be here to support you, but I cannot touch the needle. You have to take it from my hands and puncture your skin yourself.

I will be here to hold you to it. To comfort you, and listen. I will be here to make you mad when you feel like giving up, because I won’t let you. I love you too much.

You will look at it as your Warrior Scar - and it will be your Shield. People will know to never come for you again. They will never feed on you again, for you know now that you were never prey.

Take the needle.

There is blood on it.

Of course there is, it’s mine, how else would I know you will survive this.